Looking back at 2017 as it slowly ends

... It's been one hell of a year.

Things happening in real life and on the Internet, ups and downs, there are even things I don't wish to talk about. I decide to just talk about things happening to me online, summarising it up because the craps happening to me in real life aren't very stellar either but are just too complicated to express here.

2017 has been quite a year of friendship breaking to pieces, me having to leave behind people I once cared deeply about. It hurt as hell initially, sometimes I even had thoughts of nostalgia; going back to them and try again and again instead of moving on. I always wanted things to be peaceful and everyone still staying in peace as they all were as I have pictured the illusion as.
The illusion's broken though, and I have learned to accept it or else it will just kill me.

Then going back to old friends, not knowing how much they've changed through the years, and them doing, eh, bad stuff about me and all that without me knowing. It all comes down to nostalgia, either way. I can still keep in touch with a few just not returning back as close as before, others I have to move on completely. It was hard, but the scars are healing slowly.

Regardless, I still have some of my friends here who would stay with me and sometimes even listen to my bullshits and vents. I even expressed to them my nostalgic thoughts, since I would just feel sad thinking about the memories I had with my ex-friends instead of melancholy. Now it still slightly stings, but I believe time heals, and this has happened before, I'm kinda used to it.

I don't know what 2018 has in store for me, both my Internet and real lives, if they either get any better or worse, but I have learned a few lessons through the year, one thing being not hold up too much hope since there're people who can't stay with you forever, another being confide in people who I know will never betray me
And if life decides to test you, be brave and fight it. I admit I can't be brave in every situation, but I shall get there, while still being me.

I still remember 2012-2014 me (possibly 2016 me as well I think), I was an edgy teen because a lot of shit happened back there too, but I let the punches hit me instead of fighting back, so I just sort of became numb, shut myself off and just stopped giving a damn about everything.
But this year, it may have been hell, but it was a year that helped me grow a thicker skin. It helped me learn to deal with things better while not crumbling down to pieces. The amount of tests life throws at me are technically the same every year, but I realised that this year I can still smile and keep going instead of back then, locking myself away and just being depressive.

Thank you 2017, for giving me reasons to keep marching on.

My name is Phoenix, and here's to 2018 and beyond.